The one person who comes to signify all that our modern Christmas is about is Santa Claus. 

In the words of Bart Simpson – “Christmas is the time when we celebrate the birth of Santa!” 

Some people will tell you that he is not real, but he is very real for me and for a whole lot of others.  Granted there is a debate about whether he can visit all the homes in the world of children who have been good in one night, but that is only a small consideration.  Yes, no known species of reindeer can fly, but there are still some 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified.  Yes, thanks to time zones Santa has only 31 hours to work with, 822.6 visits per second.  His sleigh will be moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound.  Yes, the sleigh will be carrying 321,300 tons of presents (not counting Santa who is invariably described as overweight).  He will therefore need 214,200 reindeer.  Yes, there will be enormous air resistance - the lead reindeers will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy and burst into flame instantaneously; the entire team will be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second.

But..........he is real.  He lives inside everyone who believes in him.  You can keep him real for as long as you want to.  If you believe that there are people who do nice things for other people and expect nothing in return - like Santa once a year - then he will always be real.

Happy Christmas.

Thousands seem to be baying for Jeremy Clarkson’s blood.  His remarks on the One Show have sparked a national debate on whether everything is fair game - when a country has freedom of expression - or whether it was an ill chosen, inflammatory and incendiary remark. We did not have staff on strike at school last Wednesday, possibly because we hover around the edge of the public/private environment – so much so that the government hasn’t made up its mind about what will happen to our pensions. However that doesn’t mean that there is a total lack of sympathy for strike action.  Mainstream opinion is divided about the propriety of strikes when so many others are worse off than strikers who have jobs, and pensions to strike over, but perhaps, at another time of economic prosperity, the grievances would have struck a greater chord.  

Mr Clarkson tried to be funny - which he is at times, over-stepped the mark (again?) but has apologised. We move on.

The Prime Minister looks to have got himself in a spot of bother by attempting to be an impressionist, in his speech at the Lord Mayor’s Banquet in London. He tried an impersonation of Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard in a joke which has been described as “so awful that it could cause a diplomatic row”. The Australian accent was said to be far worse than either James Coburn’s in The Great Escape, or that of Meryl Streep in A cry In The Dark. Praise indeed!

You have to be very careful when impersonating an accent. My pupils here try (when I’m out of earshot) with a variation on a theme of “Norn Iron”, when mimicking the voice coming at them in assembly twice a week - but there is nothing worse than hearing a rather sub-par effort. It takes a lot of practice to be perfect and who would not admit that they have secretly had a go at Sean Connery, John Wayne, Rab C Nesbitt et al in the bathroom mirror? Even then, most people fail to reach a convincing standard.

The only true method is to re-locate and live there for at least ten years, but I’ve been in England for more than 20 and it hasn’t made that much of a difference! Be proud of your own accent – it is part of your identity.

Debating the effects of turning the clocks back has been a regular British pastime since the start of the century, when the first Daylight Saving Bill was passed in parliament. Most people use the extra hour to lie in bed, whilst a small minority choose to do something for charity. It may be for the last time - as a new Bill is on the cards looking to move the UK to Central European Time (CET) and lose the extra hour in winter. Some say another opportunity to turn everywhere north of Watford into total darkness before 9.00am!! Others say lighter evenings reduce energy bills and boost tourism. One interesting point of research to note is that the behaviour of animals, apparently, changes rather more for the worse when the clocks go back, as it exaggerates the changing of the seasons. Hopefully humans can get over these effects quickly as a new half-term begins here and we welcome our pupils back!

However, one teacher I knew always had trouble with the changes and was either late, or early, into school the day after the clocks had been changed. I happened to ask him was it because he couldn’t cope with the old motto “Spring forward or Fall back?” No, he replied, it was just staying up until 2.00am to change all his clocks!!